Yes, I did star in Robin Hood!

For those of you who wondered could that scruffy bloke devilish handsome chap in the crowd foreground be .....? The answer is yes!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND ALL THE BEST FOR 2011

Best birthday ever!

Still recovering from the best birthday ever. Full of carefully crafted surprises created by the boss (Kate):

A day at Nirvana Spa

                                      flotation pool
                                      'gent's' facial (but they let me in anyway)
                                      foot pampering

Dinner party with all my favourite people

                                     AND A MAGICIAN!! I've never had a magician at my party.

 And not just any old magician - the magnificent John Hotowka!!! Everyone was baffled, especially the newly-christened Morgans. If you are having a party/conference/convention/wedding/anything, book John H - find him at www.hotowka.co.uk. No, I don't get commission. Yet.

BTW I am now 70 and officially "retired''. But still available at a price.

Have a Merry Christmas.


And, to top it all off, I got a Kindle!

T-Mobile trying to immobilise me!

A few short weeks ago I upgraded my mobile phone - to a smartphone! Or smartarse phone as it seems to be cleverer than me. ("Not difficult." I can hear my lovely wife, Kate, remark.)

One of the great 'apps' that my new phone has is a FREE satnav. Called Co-Pilot, it is excellent.

One of the not-so-great accessories was the in-car charger. It did not fit my phone. Since said Co-Pilot is a bit heavy on battery power, I really need a charger that works. I called T and sweetly explained  there had been a tiny error. I refrained from suggesting their staff were anything other than intelligent, diligent human beings and was rewarded with the suggestion that I nip into my local T shop and exchange the charger for one that did fit.

Still in sweet mode, I popped over to Reading (not my favourite place to visit at the best of times) and headed for the local outlet. Sadly, they had apparently never stocked my particular phone and therefore had no suitable chargers. They very kindly phoned  somewhere (HQ? The warehouse? Who knows?) and arranged for the correct item to be despatched forthwith. They also offered to let me keep the charger I had taken in. Since it was of no conceivable use to me, I left it with them to dispose of as they saw fit.

Around 10 days later I became tired of waiting and phoned T again. The 'customer service' centre is, of course, located in a distant land whose inhabitants speak English with heavy accents. And why should they not? They have at least gone to the trouble of learning English which is more than I can claim with regard to their native tongue. However, it does tend to make any but the simplest of exchanges somewhat tricky.

Eventually though, the lady I was speaking with confirmed that a replacement would shortly be on its way. She even phoned back a short time later to ask a question I cannot remember and again confirmed that my charger would be with me in 5 to 7 days.

That also was around 10 days ago so now I am seriously pissed off. And am about to phone T yet again.

10 minutes later

Well, I called and explained my predicament. There was a baffled silence from the nice man (actually, it may not have been baffled at all; maybe he was just hoping I would lose interest and ring off). Then I was asked to hold on. I did. Nice man came back and thanked me for waiting. He explained that his PC had decided to go AWOL and he would have to restart it; could he call me back in 15 to 20 minutes?

1 hour later

Strange - he hasn't called back. I hope he's okay. BECAUSE I AM BLOODY WELL NOT!

The easiest job in the world

Fancy a job where you get paid for doing nothing most of the time?

Where you need absolutely no qualifications or skills?

Where you never have to take responsibility for anything?

Where they feed you all you can eat three times a day?

Where you get to meet all kinds of people, including some very weird ones?

Where you choose whether or not to go to work?

Well, why not become a movie extra (or "supporting artiste" if you want to be precious about it).

"What!" I hear you cry, "This is the perfect job! There must be a catch, Jim. What is the downside?"

Well, it can be very boring doing nothing most of the time. But you can always take a book. Plus it is not very well paid. But they do feed you. Oh, and you usually have to get to work very early. But that means you miss all the rush-hour traffic. And you frequently finish pretty late. But that means you miss all the rush-hour traffic.

Also the work can be very intermittent, so it probably isn't a smart career move. And you sometimes have to dress up in silly clothes and have strange things done to your beard and hair. (If you're a lady, ignore the beard bit. Probably.)

But it just has to be the easiest job in the world. Unless you know different?