Santander - a load of bankers

I went to log in to my Internet business banking service this morning - just to see whether those clients I'm chasing have coughed up yet. Normally, of course, I make clients pay up front but these guys are a little bit special - friends. I know.

SHOCK - HORROR! Only three of my four accounts showed up! And the one that was missing was the one with most of the money.

After logging out / back in / out / in I gave up and phoned 'customer service'. Always a joke, eh?

The very pleasant lady I spoke to investigated. "Ah, yes," (I paraphrase), " the reason is we have changed 'unintelligible techie stuff'' and we sent you a new card. You should have received it."

Was it my imagination or was there a hint of the accusatory in her tone?

Shaking off the impression she felt it was my fault, I pointed out that I had indeed not yet received the new card so what was she going to do for me? It seems there was nothing she could do. It would take the technical team until Monday to get me back 'in' and she was sure my card would arrive today or tomorrow.

HALLO, SANTANDER! I KNOW YOU ARE SPANISH BUT, FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD, YOUR POSTAL SERVICE IS NO BETTER THAN OURS!

And to cancel someone's access to vital financial information on the assumption that the Post Office will perform borders on the cretinous.

My instinct is to close my accounts and go elsewhere. But you know what? They're all pretty much as useless as one another, it's a hassle to move, I'm congenitally lazy. So I'll just write and ask them to compensate me to the tune of £50 for screwing up my Friday morning.