Never too old 6

Back to what passes as normal. I did all my runs and all but one of my workouts. So I'm feeling a bit smug and righteous and superior. It won't last, of course. Something will force me to confront reality quite soon. But for now - the results:

12stone 12 pounds and 4 ounces. Almost a pound lighter than last week and well on target. And the pictures ...

... do look a little different from week one! That was 26 July and I have lost a little under half a stone. Two months to go to lose twelve-and-a-bit pounds - no problem! (That boast may come back to haunt me.)

Never too old 5 - tragedy!

12.13.2 - st.lb.oz.

Exactly the same as last week! Totally bizarre but not such a tragedy really; I had actually expected to put on weight.

Why? I hear you cry. Because this has been a bad week. I have only run twice, and one of those was a 3.5 miler instead of 5.5. And I have only done one half-hearted upper-body workout.

The 'reasons' need not concern you; they are but excuses and pleas for sympathy. The bottom line is that I did not do what I said I would do. And if you do not do what you say you will do when you say you will do it, your life does not work. As clearly demonstrated by my life this past week.

So, that was then, this is now and I am back on track as of this morning. No pictures (what's the point) but more next week!

Santander - a load of bankers

I went to log in to my Internet business banking service this morning - just to see whether those clients I'm chasing have coughed up yet. Normally, of course, I make clients pay up front but these guys are a little bit special - friends. I know.

SHOCK - HORROR! Only three of my four accounts showed up! And the one that was missing was the one with most of the money.

After logging out / back in / out / in I gave up and phoned 'customer service'. Always a joke, eh?

The very pleasant lady I spoke to investigated. "Ah, yes," (I paraphrase), " the reason is we have changed 'unintelligible techie stuff'' and we sent you a new card. You should have received it."

Was it my imagination or was there a hint of the accusatory in her tone?

Shaking off the impression she felt it was my fault, I pointed out that I had indeed not yet received the new card so what was she going to do for me? It seems there was nothing she could do. It would take the technical team until Monday to get me back 'in' and she was sure my card would arrive today or tomorrow.

HALLO, SANTANDER! I KNOW YOU ARE SPANISH BUT, FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD, YOUR POSTAL SERVICE IS NO BETTER THAN OURS!

And to cancel someone's access to vital financial information on the assumption that the Post Office will perform borders on the cretinous.

My instinct is to close my accounts and go elsewhere. But you know what? They're all pretty much as useless as one another, it's a hassle to move, I'm congenitally lazy. So I'll just write and ask them to compensate me to the tune of £50 for screwing up my Friday morning.

Never too old 4

First, the good news. 12stone 13 pounds 2 ounces. Not impressive but still moving in the right direction.

I've increased my mileage again, to 5.4 miles, and it seems to be going well. Toes get numb but no recurrance of the pain that forced me out of this year's Marathon des Sables. Who knows, I might get to run in 2013! Imagine it, 150 miles on a walk/jog/sprint routine!

BTW. The exercise Imentioned in NTO 3 (lifting weights up to shoulder) does not seem to exist officially. nearest thing I can find is front shoulder raises which involve raising the arms straight out in front. So maybe I'll include that as well.

Ant way - the pics:

Do not laugh at the hair - they made me do it (see previous post - 'movie star')

That's it - I'm going to look at my diet now; cutting out the jam sandwiches might be worth a try.

So, you wanna be a movie star?

Hmm, maybe not a star exactly; but you could be an extra/supportingartiste/background perhaps.

It is certainly the easiest way imaginable to make a (very little) money for doing next to nothing, have a laugh, meet some interesting people and, occasionally, see some good actors doing their stuff. Though mostly the real actors are a long way away from where you are (physically and temporaly).

To get the full lowdown on the business, you should read Rob Martin's book, You can be aMovie Extra. It was this that got me into extra work several years ago.

 You won't get rich, or discovered
If you want to make a living in movies/TV etc, forget this route! Your work will be intermittent, you'll be lucky to earn £100 a day after agent's fees, and you'll have to pay your own expenses. And no director is ever going to spot you in the crowd and pluck you from obscurity to star in his/her next blockbuster. Apart from anything else, you'll be lucky to catch a glimpse of the director!
And forget getting 'a line' a la Ricky Gervais - it just does not happen - in fact try to engage one of the real actors or director in conversation and you'll be out on your ear.

You will be bored
 Mostly, you will stand or sit around for a long time doing nothing, then be herded onto the set to stand around (or sometimes walk around/run around) while the team have several goes at getting the result they want before you are herded back to wherever they keep you between takes for another spell of doing nothing.

And you will sometimes have a great time
I've had great times on V for Vendetta, Children of Men, Robin Hood (the Russell Crowe turkey) among others. I've had interesting times on Our Mutual friend (TV), Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, among others. And I've been shorn (quite recently, see photo) on The Invention of Hugo Cabret. But you do get paid extra for having your hair cut!

Not yet put off?

Then read the book and talk to some agencies. Rob Martin founded (?) Casting Collective (http://www.castingcollective.co.uk/) which is probably one of the best, but take a look at

http://www.maddogcasting.com/

http://www.guysanddollscasting.com/

http://www.2020casting.com/

and Google casting agents or extras agents to see what else comes up. But be careful; all agencies charge for taking a photo and putting you on their books - the ethical ones take that charge from your first job, no work and you pay nothing. Avoid any agent who wants money up front (except the odd one, like 2020, which gives you a discount for an up front payment!)

BTW: They all take on new people around September time so get in contact soon.

Finally - if you just fancy getting on TV in any old thing, http://www.beonscreen.com/ may be what you are looking for.

Seen Scorsese lately?

I always knew he reminded me of someone ...

... just needs a cigar!

Never too old 3

13 stone dead!
Well, to be honest, that was yesterday. Today I'm 13stone 6ounces. But still moving in the right direction mostly.

I increased my mileage this week. I'm now doing 3.5 miles, still walk/jog/sprint at one minute intervals.

I've also increased the number of exercises I'm doing on alternate days:

bicep curls - 3 X 15 reps
ab-crunches - 3 X 15 reps
press-ups - 3 X 10 reps
leg raises - 3 X 15 reps
shoulder press - 3 X 10 reps
dunno what it's called but you lift from waist to under chin - 3 X 12 reps
tricep extension - 3 X 12 reps

Notice any difference in the pictures?

Me neither! But my lovely wife, Katie, reckoned she could see an incipient six-pack. But she didn't have her glasses on so she could have been looking at anything.

Never too old 2

So, a week since I began baring my soul (and some of my body) about my levels of unfitness and flab.

I've stuck to my programme - 2-3 miles doing a 1-minute walk/1 minute jog/ one minute "sprint" and a brief upper body workout on alternate days. This week I'll increase the mileage and add a few more exercises.

Just seven days on then, and I'm already a trim 13 stone 2 lb. 'Big deal', I hear you say, 'a whole 3 pounds.' Well, yes, perhaps not all that impressive - though probably 3 pounds more than you have lost in the past week. And, if I drop 3 pounds a week, by my target date I'll have lost 39 pounds or 2 stone 11lbs. I'll weigh 10 stone 8 lbs!! Which I certainly do not want.

3 pounds a week will be fine for now - I'm sure to have the odd week when I don't lose - or even gain a bit, so I reckon it will all be fine and I'll be a svelte 12 stone by the end of October.

I've not thought too much about my diet - that will come later! Meantime see below for a sleeker fat old git. And please be aware that it isn't all flabby and gooey - that body is solid muscle!

Note smug look on face. The alligator isn't full size either, by the way.

I couldn't resist this one!

Woolley Edge Services


Services? Services? They wouldn't know the meaning of the word service if it bit them on the arse. Moto services you are a disgrace. I will never, ever use you again. I would rather run out of petrol on the side of the motorway or wet my pants, than go into any of your service stations ever again.

I've just had an £80 parking fine from Woolley Edge services northbound on the M1 just south of Leeds. Even though I was sat in the car!! How can you be given a parking fine if you are sat in the car? That's not parked is it? That's sitting, drinking coffee and using the services. The Moto muppets need to have a good look at themselves if this is how they are going to treat motorists. I don't think Moto would do much business if it wasn't for motorists. I don't fully understand their business, but I think from a layman's point of view it pretty much relies on people with cars. So it's probably not a good idea to piss them off. Particularly not motorists with widely read blogs that are incensed with their attitute and keep saying Moto and crap services in the same sentence.

Right. Calm down Jeremy. Breathe and tell the readers what happened.

I was on my way to speak at an event in dirty Leeds and pulled in for a wee, a coffee and a use of their free wireless. They have photographic evidence apparently of my car parked there for three hours. Their cameras clearly haven't noted that I'm sat in the car, making full use of my steering wheel mounted portable desk. I'm actually shuffling the slides on my powerpoint presentation and adding a few topical ones.

I speak a lot at events. I talk about how to create a good impression and generate publicity to audiences of business professionals. I also show how bad publicity can be disastrous. Like many in the media training game I quote the famous Ratners example. However I think Gerald is going to be getting a break for a while, as Moto will be headlining the rest of my talks for this year. At least they will unless I get an apology and pronto.

So here's the deal Moto.

You were prepared to take my money for the Costa coffee. You were prepared to accept my urine sample too. But now you are really taking the piss.

Eighty pounds fine for someone who is sat in his car using your free wireless.

If you think that is fair, then go ahead. I will mention your service standards at every talk I give for the rest of the year. And I talk a lot.

You have offered me a reduced fine of fifty pounds if I pay by August 9th.

I have an alternative offer for you. If you tear up my fine I will not contact Watchdog, Top Gear, the Daily Telegraph, The Guardian, The Daily Mail, The Times and twenty other consumer contacts I have in my address book, to tell them about this latest form of highway robbery.

Parking charge notice no. 0432100721003

And I will not blog about your crap, crap, crap service at your crap, crap, crap service station at regular intervals between now and Christmas.

You decide.

But hey, for you to find out about this blog, you would have to have some social media department, which would suggest some kind of interest in customer satisfaction. And it's quite obvious that you don't care one bit about your customers.

So I guess I am going to end up paying the late rate fine of eighty pounds and you are going to get a bucketload of bad publicity.

At some point someone high up in your firm is going to wish this blog was spotted a bit earlier, but hey I guess you are all too busy glued to your poxy parking cameras, trying to make a few bucks out of some long suffering motorist who is just trying to earn a living.

At least highway robbers like Dick Turpin had the decency to wear a mask.

Jeremy Nicholas, London, UK

(If you are interested in customer service please feel free to repost this article in full or in part on your own blog or website. All I ask is that you credit me and put a link back to my site- many thanks Jem)
 
Thanks, Jeremy - and here's the link: http://mrmoonhasleftthestadium.blogspot.com/