For those of you who wondered could that scruffy bloke devilish handsome chap in the crowd foreground be .....? The answer is yes!
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND ALL THE BEST FOR 2011
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Best birthday ever!
A day at Nirvana Spa
flotation pool
'gent's' facial (but they let me in anyway)
foot pampering
Dinner party with all my favourite people
AND A MAGICIAN!! I've never had a magician at my party.
And not just any old magician - the magnificent John Hotowka!!! Everyone was baffled, especially the newly-christened Morgans. If you are having a party/conference/convention/wedding/anything, book John H - find him at www.hotowka.co.uk. No, I don't get commission. Yet.
BTW I am now 70 and officially "retired''. But still available at a price.
Have a Merry Christmas.
And, to top it all off, I got a Kindle!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
T-Mobile trying to immobilise me!
One of the great 'apps' that my new phone has is a FREE satnav. Called Co-Pilot, it is excellent.
One of the not-so-great accessories was the in-car charger. It did not fit my phone. Since said Co-Pilot is a bit heavy on battery power, I really need a charger that works. I called T and sweetly explained there had been a tiny error. I refrained from suggesting their staff were anything other than intelligent, diligent human beings and was rewarded with the suggestion that I nip into my local T shop and exchange the charger for one that did fit.
Still in sweet mode, I popped over to Reading (not my favourite place to visit at the best of times) and headed for the local outlet. Sadly, they had apparently never stocked my particular phone and therefore had no suitable chargers. They very kindly phoned somewhere (HQ? The warehouse? Who knows?) and arranged for the correct item to be despatched forthwith. They also offered to let me keep the charger I had taken in. Since it was of no conceivable use to me, I left it with them to dispose of as they saw fit.
Around 10 days later I became tired of waiting and phoned T again. The 'customer service' centre is, of course, located in a distant land whose inhabitants speak English with heavy accents. And why should they not? They have at least gone to the trouble of learning English which is more than I can claim with regard to their native tongue. However, it does tend to make any but the simplest of exchanges somewhat tricky.
Eventually though, the lady I was speaking with confirmed that a replacement would shortly be on its way. She even phoned back a short time later to ask a question I cannot remember and again confirmed that my charger would be with me in 5 to 7 days.
That also was around 10 days ago so now I am seriously pissed off. And am about to phone T yet again.
10 minutes later
Well, I called and explained my predicament. There was a baffled silence from the nice man (actually, it may not have been baffled at all; maybe he was just hoping I would lose interest and ring off). Then I was asked to hold on. I did. Nice man came back and thanked me for waiting. He explained that his PC had decided to go AWOL and he would have to restart it; could he call me back in 15 to 20 minutes?
1 hour later
Strange - he hasn't called back. I hope he's okay. BECAUSE I AM BLOODY WELL NOT!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
The easiest job in the world
Where you need absolutely no qualifications or skills?
Where you never have to take responsibility for anything?
Where they feed you all you can eat three times a day?
Where you get to meet all kinds of people, including some very weird ones?
Where you choose whether or not to go to work?
Well, why not become a movie extra (or "supporting artiste" if you want to be precious about it).
"What!" I hear you cry, "This is the perfect job! There must be a catch, Jim. What is the downside?"
Well, it can be very boring doing nothing most of the time. But you can always take a book. Plus it is not very well paid. But they do feed you. Oh, and you usually have to get to work very early. But that means you miss all the rush-hour traffic. And you frequently finish pretty late. But that means you miss all the rush-hour traffic.
Also the work can be very intermittent, so it probably isn't a smart career move. And you sometimes have to dress up in silly clothes and have strange things done to your beard and hair. (If you're a lady, ignore the beard bit. Probably.)
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Microsoft - not so clever
I consulted one of my gurus (Dave Whyatt of Limephusion - a useful contact if you are having PC problems) and he suggested I download the beta version of Office 2010. So I did.
Apart from a little hair-tearing as I trekked up the learning curve, all went well.
Then, a couple of weeks ago I received another Microsoft missive telling me my time was up and I would have to part with some money (£250 or thereabouts) within 72 hours or cease using their software. Making a mental note to comply, I went about my business. And forgot all about it.
About three days later, I opened up Outlook to find myself barred from entry; my emails drifting in and masked from view by Microsoft's bloody big notice.
Of course I was barred from all other parts of the package also. All was not lost however as I managed to pick up a copy of Office 2010 (brand new, shrink wrapped) for a mere £99 over at eBay.
After a bit more hair-tearing and guru assistance, I managed to install said package and get on with my stuff.
Now here is the interesting bit.
Along with all my other newly-accessible emails was one from Microsoft offering a 'click here to buy now' button for acquiring Office 2010 ( at their, price of course - see earlier).
But I had not received this email because Microsoft had locked me out of Outlook! Had they been a bit brighter, I would almost certainly have 'clicked here' just to save myself hassle.
Okay, my extra £100 or so will not make that much difference to profits - but how many other absent-minded beta users also bought elsewhere, so that other vendors copped a share of Microsoft's money?
Maybe if I contact Microsoft and point this out, they will buck their ideas up and give me a slice of the extra revenue? Probably not, so sod 'em.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Read this book!
BTW Don't 'click to look inside'. I copied the pic from Amazon 'cos my scanner has packed up and, of course, the link doesn't work.
If you do not know Graham, he is one of the country's foremost (and funniest) business speakers. And he has one of the best contracts in the western world; as he should have, being a barrister. I think 'barrister' is what they were calling him anyway.
The Presentation Coach, published by Capstone, is being featured by WHSmith Travel as one of their Top 20 business books. It is written in Graham's punchy, assertive and entertaining style and forcefully attacks all the old presentational clichés. It is certainly not something that should be read by the faint-hearted.
Essentially, the book shows you how to Say It, Support It....and Shut it. The distinctive bare knuckle approach is one that can be used no matter what presentational situation you are in, says Graham .... whether it's a Boardroom, Ballroom or Broadcast Studio. I would add only Bordello to the list.
This is a set of techniques that Graham has used to coach a host of CEOs, Politicians and Celebrities.....and these clients have given the book a spectacular collection of endorsements. None as spectacular or effective as mine, and I'm not getting any commission. Or even a complimentary copy!
If you need to talk to groups (and who doesn't) you should read this book.
And you should also join your local Toastmasters speaking club. Go to http://www.toastmasters.org/ to find out where it is. This organisation is the dog's thingys when it comes to improving your communication skills, no matter how terrifed and inexperienced or how confident and experienced you may be. And they don't pay me commission either!
Monday, October 25, 2010
Never too old - the end of the road?
Not really - both feet were on but I did breathe out 'cos air has a weight.
And now I must call a halt to my attempt to get down to 12 stones. why? Pressure from my female fans.
So I shall settle for 12:7 ish and think myself lucky - for now. I guess that will give me more time to bitch about the people and companies who upset me. Actually only Santander at the moment, though Ed Milliband becomes more irritating day by day.
For now, savour this 'final' picture of the magnificent specimen I have become
Monday, October 11, 2010
Never too old - 12
This is getting hard!
I've really been trying this week and only managed to slice off 1.4 pounds. Obviously I have not been trying hard enough!
However, always look on the bright side of life (da dum da dum ...), I am considerably less portly that I was in July and still have a couple of weeks to go.
Apologies for picture quality - the boss went out at the crack of dawn and she usually takes them!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Never too old - 11
Not good enough! I only have 21 days to go; that's 3 weeks and, at 1 pound a week (last week was 12:9.4) I'll be way off. So, despite the long days on set (did I mention I'm a movie star more than several times?) when I cannot fit in my exercise/cycling, I am aiming to drop 0:3.0 per week. Looks like lots of salad and no biccies!
Pics are looking better though:
Monday, September 27, 2010
Never too old ... to lose weight and get fit 10
The bad news is I am forbidden to run - and advised not to walk too much either! This from Mike K, my new guru (see last post).
It seems I may have torn something in my left foot and the tendons in both feet are in trouble because my arches are sagging.
So I am reduced to cycling, waving dumbells about and doing stretch and massage.
But despite the setbacks, I have dropped to 12:9.4! That's a mere 177 and a bit pounds - a shadow of my former self - see below.
No, that's not my former self, that's my magnificent new physique! See July 26 for the fat old me.
BTW if you are looking for tips, I am finding that putting off eating until 11:00 or 12:00 is having some effect. I know 'breakfast is the most important meal of the day' etc - I'm just having it later on! Try it but I recommend you have plenty to drink early in the day.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Never too old 9 - oh dear, oh dear!
On Friday I severely damaged my already damaged heel and I've been hobbling around ever since. That's my excuse for 12.11.4 (my new annotation for stones, pounds and decimals of pounds). So in the past two weeks I have gained 1.2 pounds. Not good.
I have 4.5 weeks to drop 11.4 pounds. And I may have to do it without running!
Or I may not because (roll of drums) tomorrow I go to visit Mike Ker MSMA, MBCPA (http://www.mikeker.co.uk/) the renowned sports and remedial massage practitioner and body control Pilates teacher!
Progress report next week - now I'm off to decobweb my bike and try some non-impact training.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
An old friend passes on ...
On Wednesday last, some jerk in a flat-bed truck with a load of scrap iron on board took a bend too fast. A big chunk of scrap flew off and removed the front end of the beamer. And the jerk didn’t even stop!
Fortunately there was a scrap yard about ¼ mile further on, so I wheeled it in and got £100 for it.
With a rare example of synchronicity, my wife, Kate, had just bought herself another car and was looking to sell her wee Peugeot. So I am a few quid lighter and the proud owner of same.
I have to say a BMW was never going to be my first choice but this was a real bargain and the car has been great. It hasn’t cost me a penny apart from a couple of tyres and an annual service. So I was sorry to see it go but onwards and upwards …
Friday, September 17, 2010
Santander ... the never-ending story
Dear Bankers
On 20 August I discovered that I could not access my main business account. On calling the bank, I was told that this was because I had been sent a new card, which I should have received by then. Apparently there was nothing that could be done to enable me to access my account but the new card would surely be with me "tomorrow or the day after".
On 27 August I was able to access the account. - it appeared twice on the list - but unable to access my e-saver account. When I telephoned this time the story had changed. Now it was a problem related to the recent "improvement" Santander had been making to its IT systems. This was apparently a "known issue", whatever that means, but there was still no way for me to access my account. On 28 August I received a letter, dated simply "June 2010", containing my new card and various instructions.
To summarise; I have been without access to one or other of the accounts I hold with Santander for at least 10 days. The bank is unable to tell me when I will have complete access. It would seem that your customers are being used to beta-test (whatever that means) systems created by a clearly incompetent IT division. Under the circumstances I feel it only right that the bank compensates me for the inconvenience and potential damage to my business. I therefore request payment at the rate of £25 per day for the lack of access, which seems to be in line with current banking procedures, and £15 per phone call I have been forced to make to try to resolve the situation. I calculate that, to date, I should receive £175 for lack of access and £30 for telephone calls; a total of £205. Please credit this amount to my account number above. With two chances to access it I should be able to find out when the money has arrived. I will contact you again when you have finally resolved the problem regarding further payment.
Sincerely J. Ewan
Please note that the italics in the message below are mine - just a couple of things that struck me as bizarre!
Dear Mr Ewan,
We are writing to let you know that we have received your complaint. Thank you for contacting us and telling us about your concerns.
At Santander we want to keep our customers happy, however we know that sometimes things can go wrong and we welcome complaints as an opportunity to improve the service we offer you.
In the first instance, your comments need to be addressed by the area of Santander you have an issue with. As some of our products have specialist complaint teams, I have forwarded your complaint to the relevant department to be investigated.
We will endeavour to keep you regularly informed of the progress of your complaint.
To find out more about the Complaints Procedure we have set up to make sure you receive a quick and fair reply - please visit our website:
www.santander.co.uk
• Select ‘How Do I?' from the top of the page
• Then click on ‘Contact Us'
• Select ‘Feedback and Complaints' from the drop down list followed by ‘Customer Satisfaction'
If you would like to talk to us about anything else please give us a call. To find the most appropriate telephone number:
• Click on ‘Contact Us' in the top right-hand corner
• Click on the relevant product type
Regards
Jason Cheeseman
Customer Relations Officer
Santander
So far no sign of any money coming in to my account!
I will endeavour to keep you, dear reader of this blog, regularly informed of the progress of my complaint.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Never too old 8 - oh dear!
So, my sole run of the week was today. and as a result - 12 stone 10.6 pounds. Nearly 4 ounces up!
Next week will be different though; I have only two days work and the rest of the week off. So it will be strict alternate days - run and weights - and my next weigh in will astonish the world (well, the 3 people who read my blog at least!)
That's all for now!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Never too old 7
You know what? I think they do!
This blog is a day early because I have had the call to work on Hugo Cabret again. They just can't manage without me. This means 7am at Shepperton, 7pm home if I'm lucky. So runs will be difficult to manage. I am promising myself a 4am alarm so I can run before departing, but even now I'm wondering if I have the willpower. I'll let you know next week.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Never too old 6
12stone 12 pounds and 4 ounces. Almost a pound lighter than last week and well on target. And the pictures ...
... do look a little different from week one! That was 26 July and I have lost a little under half a stone. Two months to go to lose twelve-and-a-bit pounds - no problem! (That boast may come back to haunt me.)
Monday, August 23, 2010
Never too old 5 - tragedy!
Exactly the same as last week! Totally bizarre but not such a tragedy really; I had actually expected to put on weight.
Why? I hear you cry. Because this has been a bad week. I have only run twice, and one of those was a 3.5 miler instead of 5.5. And I have only done one half-hearted upper-body workout.
The 'reasons' need not concern you; they are but excuses and pleas for sympathy. The bottom line is that I did not do what I said I would do. And if you do not do what you say you will do when you say you will do it, your life does not work. As clearly demonstrated by my life this past week.
So, that was then, this is now and I am back on track as of this morning. No pictures (what's the point) but more next week!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Santander - a load of bankers
SHOCK - HORROR! Only three of my four accounts showed up! And the one that was missing was the one with most of the money.
After logging out / back in / out / in I gave up and phoned 'customer service'. Always a joke, eh?
The very pleasant lady I spoke to investigated. "Ah, yes," (I paraphrase), " the reason is we have changed 'unintelligible techie stuff'' and we sent you a new card. You should have received it."
Was it my imagination or was there a hint of the accusatory in her tone?
Shaking off the impression she felt it was my fault, I pointed out that I had indeed not yet received the new card so what was she going to do for me? It seems there was nothing she could do. It would take the technical team until Monday to get me back 'in' and she was sure my card would arrive today or tomorrow.
HALLO, SANTANDER! I KNOW YOU ARE SPANISH BUT, FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD, YOUR POSTAL SERVICE IS NO BETTER THAN OURS!
And to cancel someone's access to vital financial information on the assumption that the Post Office will perform borders on the cretinous.
My instinct is to close my accounts and go elsewhere. But you know what? They're all pretty much as useless as one another, it's a hassle to move, I'm congenitally lazy. So I'll just write and ask them to compensate me to the tune of £50 for screwing up my Friday morning.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Never too old 4
I've increased my mileage again, to 5.4 miles, and it seems to be going well. Toes get numb but no recurrance of the pain that forced me out of this year's Marathon des Sables. Who knows, I might get to run in 2013! Imagine it, 150 miles on a walk/jog/sprint routine!
BTW. The exercise Imentioned in NTO 3 (lifting weights up to shoulder) does not seem to exist officially. nearest thing I can find is front shoulder raises which involve raising the arms straight out in front. So maybe I'll include that as well.
Ant way - the pics:
Do not laugh at the hair - they made me do it (see previous post - 'movie star')
That's it - I'm going to look at my diet now; cutting out the jam sandwiches might be worth a try.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
So, you wanna be a movie star?
It is certainly the easiest way imaginable to make a (very little) money for doing next to nothing, have a laugh, meet some interesting people and, occasionally, see some good actors doing their stuff. Though mostly the real actors are a long way away from where you are (physically and temporaly).
To get the full lowdown on the business, you should read Rob Martin's book, You can be aMovie Extra. It was this that got me into extra work several years ago.
You won't get rich, or discovered
If you want to make a living in movies/TV etc, forget this route! Your work will be intermittent, you'll be lucky to earn £100 a day after agent's fees, and you'll have to pay your own expenses. And no director is ever going to spot you in the crowd and pluck you from obscurity to star in his/her next blockbuster. Apart from anything else, you'll be lucky to catch a glimpse of the director!
And forget getting 'a line' a la Ricky Gervais - it just does not happen - in fact try to engage one of the real actors or director in conversation and you'll be out on your ear.
You will be bored
Mostly, you will stand or sit around for a long time doing nothing, then be herded onto the set to stand around (or sometimes walk around/run around) while the team have several goes at getting the result they want before you are herded back to wherever they keep you between takes for another spell of doing nothing.
And you will sometimes have a great time
I've had great times on V for Vendetta, Children of Men, Robin Hood (the Russell Crowe turkey) among others. I've had interesting times on Our Mutual friend (TV), Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, among others. And I've been shorn (quite recently, see photo) on The Invention of Hugo Cabret. But you do get paid extra for having your hair cut!
Not yet put off?
Then read the book and talk to some agencies. Rob Martin founded (?) Casting Collective (http://www.castingcollective.co.uk/) which is probably one of the best, but take a look at
and Google casting agents or extras agents to see what else comes up. But be careful; all agencies charge for taking a photo and putting you on their books - the ethical ones take that charge from your first job, no work and you pay nothing. Avoid any agent who wants money up front (except the odd one, like 2020, which gives you a discount for an up front payment!)
BTW: They all take on new people around September time so get in contact soon.
Finally - if you just fancy getting on TV in any old thing, http://www.beonscreen.com/ may be what you are looking for.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Never too old 3
Well, to be honest, that was yesterday. Today I'm 13stone 6ounces. But still moving in the right direction mostly.
I increased my mileage this week. I'm now doing 3.5 miles, still walk/jog/sprint at one minute intervals.
I've also increased the number of exercises I'm doing on alternate days:
bicep curls - 3 X 15 reps
ab-crunches - 3 X 15 reps
press-ups - 3 X 10 reps
leg raises - 3 X 15 reps
shoulder press - 3 X 10 reps
dunno what it's called but you lift from waist to under chin - 3 X 12 reps
tricep extension - 3 X 12 reps
Notice any difference in the pictures?
Me neither! But my lovely wife, Katie, reckoned she could see an incipient six-pack. But she didn't have her glasses on so she could have been looking at anything.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Never too old 2
I've stuck to my programme - 2-3 miles doing a 1-minute walk/1 minute jog/ one minute "sprint" and a brief upper body workout on alternate days. This week I'll increase the mileage and add a few more exercises.
Just seven days on then, and I'm already a trim 13 stone 2 lb. 'Big deal', I hear you say, 'a whole 3 pounds.' Well, yes, perhaps not all that impressive - though probably 3 pounds more than you have lost in the past week. And, if I drop 3 pounds a week, by my target date I'll have lost 39 pounds or 2 stone 11lbs. I'll weigh 10 stone 8 lbs!! Which I certainly do not want.
3 pounds a week will be fine for now - I'm sure to have the odd week when I don't lose - or even gain a bit, so I reckon it will all be fine and I'll be a svelte 12 stone by the end of October.
I've not thought too much about my diet - that will come later! Meantime see below for a sleeker fat old git. And please be aware that it isn't all flabby and gooey - that body is solid muscle!
Note smug look on face. The alligator isn't full size either, by the way.
I couldn't resist this one!
Services? Services? They wouldn't know the meaning of the word service if it bit them on the arse. Moto services you are a disgrace. I will never, ever use you again. I would rather run out of petrol on the side of the motorway or wet my pants, than go into any of your service stations ever again.
I've just had an £80 parking fine from Woolley Edge services northbound on the M1 just south of Leeds. Even though I was sat in the car!! How can you be given a parking fine if you are sat in the car? That's not parked is it? That's sitting, drinking coffee and using the services. The Moto muppets need to have a good look at themselves if this is how they are going to treat motorists. I don't think Moto would do much business if it wasn't for motorists. I don't fully understand their business, but I think from a layman's point of view it pretty much relies on people with cars. So it's probably not a good idea to piss them off. Particularly not motorists with widely read blogs that are incensed with their attitute and keep saying Moto and crap services in the same sentence.
Right. Calm down Jeremy. Breathe and tell the readers what happened.
I was on my way to speak at an event in dirty Leeds and pulled in for a wee, a coffee and a use of their free wireless. They have photographic evidence apparently of my car parked there for three hours. Their cameras clearly haven't noted that I'm sat in the car, making full use of my steering wheel mounted portable desk. I'm actually shuffling the slides on my powerpoint presentation and adding a few topical ones.
I speak a lot at events. I talk about how to create a good impression and generate publicity to audiences of business professionals. I also show how bad publicity can be disastrous. Like many in the media training game I quote the famous Ratners example. However I think Gerald is going to be getting a break for a while, as Moto will be headlining the rest of my talks for this year. At least they will unless I get an apology and pronto.
So here's the deal Moto.
You were prepared to take my money for the Costa coffee. You were prepared to accept my urine sample too. But now you are really taking the piss.
Eighty pounds fine for someone who is sat in his car using your free wireless.
If you think that is fair, then go ahead. I will mention your service standards at every talk I give for the rest of the year. And I talk a lot.
You have offered me a reduced fine of fifty pounds if I pay by August 9th.
I have an alternative offer for you. If you tear up my fine I will not contact Watchdog, Top Gear, the Daily Telegraph, The Guardian, The Daily Mail, The Times and twenty other consumer contacts I have in my address book, to tell them about this latest form of highway robbery.
Parking charge notice no. 0432100721003
And I will not blog about your crap, crap, crap service at your crap, crap, crap service station at regular intervals between now and Christmas.
You decide.
But hey, for you to find out about this blog, you would have to have some social media department, which would suggest some kind of interest in customer satisfaction. And it's quite obvious that you don't care one bit about your customers.
So I guess I am going to end up paying the late rate fine of eighty pounds and you are going to get a bucketload of bad publicity.
At some point someone high up in your firm is going to wish this blog was spotted a bit earlier, but hey I guess you are all too busy glued to your poxy parking cameras, trying to make a few bucks out of some long suffering motorist who is just trying to earn a living.
At least highway robbers like Dick Turpin had the decency to wear a mask.
Jeremy Nicholas, London, UK
(If you are interested in customer service please feel free to repost this article in full or in part on your own blog or website. All I ask is that you credit me and put a link back to my site- many thanks Jem)
Thanks, Jeremy - and here's the link: http://mrmoonhasleftthestadium.blogspot.com/
Monday, July 26, 2010
Never too old - to get fit and lose weight
Since my decision (last December) I have done virtually no running (or any other exercise of note). I am now an unsightly blob weighing in at 13 stone 5:
Ugh! (The sheep is not full size!)
The good news (for me) is that I have been inspired by a 4N (http://www.4networking.biz/) colleague, Basil Mienie (http://www.focusonlife.org.uk/) to actually do something about it.
I have a target weight of 12 stones. And a target date of 26 October. And a blog to tell the world (or at least the 2 or 3 people who actually read this) and thus expose myself (see above) to ridicule if I do not make good.
And, of course, I need help. If you read this, the odd word of encouragement will not go amiss. I have begun my exercise regime and will be creating a diet plan in the next week or so. I will report regularly and truthfully on my progress and will publish pictures also.
This may bring a glimmer of hope to others who are fighting a weight/fitness battle. Or it may plunge them into despair, of course. But here is my planned gentle introductory 'back to fitness' plan:
Day 1 - cover 2-3 miles; one minute walking, one jogging, one sprinting throughout. I have to confess that my sprinting is rubbish to begin with and gets worse. But it is a start.
Day 2 - upper body workout. To begin with a few dumbell curls, push-ups, crunches and leg-raises. In a couple of weeks I will expand. But it is a start!
Continue alternate days with, maybe, Sunday off.
Next update in one week.
At last - customer service!
There was a stall selling, among other things, deck shoes. As I needed a pair, I browsed. And found the perfect pair at the perfect price!
However, a little demon (Kate) whispered in my ear, "Don't buy at the first place you come to." This, of course, is a female thing. I'm not sexist but they do insist on visiting every shop before returning inevitably to the first to make the purchase. This is because they could not bear to find the same thing at a lower price somwhere else. Men do not have this problem as, having found what we want, we buy and never look at that item anywhere again. Thus we remain blissfully ignorant of the fact that we might have saved a bob (10p to the youngsters) or two by spending three hours trailing from shop to shop.
So my natural inclination is to buy now. But there is the possibility that Kate will get the chance to say "I told you so." later on. So I reluctantly depart promising to return soon.
We cover the entire show, Kate buys yet another hat she will never wear, we have an ice cream and, eventually, return to the shoe stall.
THEY HAVE SOLD MY SHOES!
There is not another pair in stock. I am desolate. But the nice couple running the stall have good news; another shipment is due in next week. I order and pay. By the following Friday, my shoes have arrived. They are just as I remember (perfect) and there is a spare pair of laces in the box. Bliss!
Unfortunately the nice people who run the stall do not have a website. But I'm sure maggieandivor@hotmail.com would be delighted to receive your enquiries if you too need a new pair of deck shoes!
Postscript. Isn't it sad though, that I am getting so excited over a supplier that simply does what they say they will do?
Thursday, July 22, 2010
What's in a name?
I recently decided to launch a new service for public speakers/aspiring speakers etc. Feeling expansive, I thought I would call it the 'Institute for Public Speaking'. On trying to register the name I was told 'Institute' (even with a lower case i) was a sensitive word. I would have to get a dispensation! From where, I enquired. Check with the Department for Business Innovation and Skills, I was told.
After several unsatisfactory phone calls and an exchange of emails where each reponse came from a different person, I announced to the Department for Business Impairment and Stupidity that I was going to call it 'Institute' because they had told me nothing to suggest I couldn't. I was advised to talk to Business Link. Who advised me to talk to Companies House.
Having had no joy with the Department (or Business Link or Companies House) I went ahead and named my creation 'Institute'. See http://www.ifps.org.uk/.
However, there were dark mutterings and a sense of unease, so the fragrant Teresa May (who, in addition to being my MP - her most important function - is Home Secretary and Minister for Women & Equality) was approached for help. Next thing I know, a 76-page document arrives from the aforementioned DBIS explaining why I can't be an 'Institute'. And can't be a lot of other things, including 'Archwilydd Cyffredinol Cymru'. No offence to the Welsh but why would you want to?
Why they could not have sent this informative document in the first place .....
Monday, March 22, 2010
UnaCustomHoused as I am
I was hired to be a faux John Humphries for a few days at Excel. The client booked me in to the interesting sounding Customs House Hotel; so close you could spit across the gap which was promising.
However ...
My 'double' room was really way too small for twin beds. There was nowhere to put my case (except on the other bed). The 'wardrobe' was a tiny, half-enclosed hanging space in the corner. The shower was a joke; a circular tube with barely room to stick my elbows out as I soaped my beautifully toned body.
No coat hook on the back of the door (okay, I'm being picky - there was one on the inside of the bathroom door).
I discovered I had foolishly arrived with no toothpaste. so I went down to reception where I was sold a little box containing a razor, shaving cream, cotton buds, make-up wipes, a toothbrush and the tiniest tube of toothpaste you ever saw. This cost me £2.50. On my way through the hotel next morning, I spotted the vending machine offering full-size, grown up toothpaste for £2!!
Breakfast. The grilled tomatoes were burnt! Literally; blackened skin peeling off. The scrambled egg (only choice) was like polystyrene. There was no black pudding!!
Last straw. They deducted a random £330 from my credit card! I did get a refund, but no explanation of course.
I filled in the feedback form. No reaction so far (two weeks and counting).
The one bright moment. Having arrived with no toothpaste, I left without two of my suits. The housekeeping staff were very efficient and had them back to me within a couple of days. Smiley face for them; grumpy one for the hotel.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
So, networking eh?
This was probably not the fault of the organisation. I suspect the kind of business I was in was not amenable to networking of their type. But I also resented what I saw as the oppressive nature of the organisation; you must turn up every week, there can only be one of each type of business in the group, you will bring referrals, etc.
Then, late 2008, when I was panicking about a very thin diary, I wandered in to a hotel-based business exhibition. This is not something I normally do since my experience has always been of a cluster of unduly small tables with desperate people clutching at me as I walk by. But, hey ho, I had nothing better to do so in I went.
One of the outfits there happened top be a networking organisation called 4Networking. They ran a 'speed networking' demo which was a bit of a laugh.
A few days later I received an invitation to a 4N networking breakfast. Hey ho, I had nothing better to do so in I went.
It was even more fun than the 'speed' demo - and I made what looked like a couple of useful contacts. (Actually neither of them turned into anything useful but 0 out of 2 is not unusual.)
The organisation also had some interesting ideas:
- a six-month trial membership
- no restrictions on numbers of similar business
- no mandatory attendance
- attend any group, anytime, anywhere in the country
So I took a six month trial .
How did it go? I've been a member for over a year now!
Check it out - it's a refreshingly different approach to networking.
(No, I'm not being paid to write this blog!)
Friday, January 8, 2010
BMI - Behold, missing information?
I checked in on-line. Simple, fast, efficient.
Hang on – which terminal do I fly from? Nowhere on the information I have been sent, or on the bmi web site can I find out. Eventually I locate the information I need on the Heathrow web site.
Hang on again – how long before take-off does one have to arrive at the airport in these days of advanced terrorist techniques? Nowhere on the information I have been sent, or on the bmi web site can I find out. I eventually telephone the bmi office. A very pleasant gentleman tells me I should arrive with 90 minutes to spare. When I point out that this information is not available on the web site, he assures me that it is. However, his attempt to demonstrate the existence of the information fails dismally – he leads me through a somewhat less than intuitive path throught the site until I arrive at check-in information. Sadly there is no sign of anything indicationg 90 minutes , one-and-a-half hours, 5400 seconds or any other variation that might help.
Get your act together, bmi!
Note: The gist of this blog was communicated to BMI by email on 3 January. So far no response.
Foolish Virgin
Where to begin? Let's follow the Red King's advice:
Once upon a time I 'enjoyed' a Virgin Broadband account. It was fast and generally reliable.
But one day things began to go a bit ... wrong.
The connection would fail - often only momentarily but increasingly frequently. I seemed forever to be unplugging my modem and plugging it back in to restore the connection.
Then things got really bad. Around 3.00pm on September 29th 2009, my broadband went totally A.W.O.L.
Okay, I thought. This happens, be cool. And I was cool. Until early next morning when I began to be concerned. I called the customer helpline. I heard a recorded message apologising for the problem and promising an update at 12 noon.
12.30. An apology, promising an update at 2pm.
3.00pm. Still no connection and now - no message. Scurrying through the interminable menus I am alarmed to discover (eventually) that it will be around ten minutes before I will actually be connected to a human being (if helpline personnel can be so described). I cannot wait.
Later same day. No message; many menus; still ten minutes. No! I refuse to hang on and pay to listen to ten minutes of bad music.
6.45am October 1st. Still no connection; no message; many menus and thena message. Apparently customers in the RG5 area may be having trouble. I'm in RG10 and I'm having trouble you B------s!
12.00 noon October 1st. Still no connection; no message; many menus and 'Let's get you some help' - only it will now be 20 minutes before I can speak to a human being (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt for now).
I decide to try a different strategy. I call and choose an early option from the menus. I get through to a human being! I explain. 'Right, I'll get you some support. CLICK.' AAARGH! I get a message mentioning 20 minutes to wait.
I call again and choose the early option. Different human being. I explain I don't want to be dumped in limbo to wait 20 minutes, I simply want to know how long Virgin think I will be without my broadband. The nice (female) human kicks her workstation a couple of times (I think that is the sound I hear) and says the current estimate is four hours. Hoorah! At least I have some idea now - though I am not foolish enough to believe four hours is anything but a wildly optimistic guess.
4pm (optimist!) same day. Still no connection; no message; many menus.
9.30pm same day. Still no connection; no message; many menus. Then a voice announces that people in Leeds can expect an update at 6pm. Er, excuse me but it is already 9.30pm. And anyway, why Leeds? I'm in bloody Berkshire and I want an update too!! Oh - and it will be twenty minutes before human contact.
6.15am October 2nd. The good people of Leeds are still being promised a 6.30pm update. I wonder which day this will be?
2.00pm same day. Still no connection; no message; many menus - no more promises for the residents of Leeds and still 20 minutes waiting time.
4.30pm same day. No change.
10.00pm same day. The only change is that it will now be but ten minutes waiting for a human. I won't wait! I am not a number!! (Are you old enough to remember The Prisoner?)
9.15am October 3rd. As 10.00pm bulletin yesterday but no message about waiting time. I decide to wait. After ten minutes I hang up.
4.15pm same day. Still no connection; no message; many menus and we are back to twenty minutes.
9.30am October 4th. Still no connection; no message; many menus; no waiting time quoted - I'm not going to get caught by that trick twice though!
5.30am October 5th. Many menus and then ... Omar answers me! I think Omar is a trainee. Or he has been sentenced to early mornings for being so slow. And slow he is; either he has difficulty reading or his screen scrolls incredibly slowly. But he gets me connected eventually. Now however my wireless router has disappeared from my PC. Omar thinks this was my problem all along. But the (much) earlier recorded apologetic messages tell a different story!
And talking of messages, here is one for Neil Berkett, who apparently runs Virgin Media:
What are you doing for your doubtless vast salary? Is it too much to ask for regular, sensible updates at the start of the menus when something goes wrong? Is it really that difficult to have sufficient customer service staff that your customers (the people who pay your salary) don't have to wait twenty minutes at their expense to have what is really your problem sorted out?
We all know that problems crop up from time to time. All most of us ask is that you keep us informed of what has happened and what you are doing about it. Given those simple courtesies, we will gladly wait until you can fix things. It's the lack of decent communication that drives us all insane. And sends us off into the arms of your competitors.
SPAM
Is it only me - or is everyone getting more spam these days? This blog alone has had over 800 spam comments to date. I get well over 100 a day on my desk-top.
So are there still gullible people left out there? I mean, why would anyone even glance at a message from Cyrus Wilcox when his subject line is 'from Cyrus Wilcox'?
Of course sometimes you get a laugh. Like this recent juxtaposition:
From Subject
Vicky Stout ed can be cured
Dissolve Fat I shrank myself in 30 days
Okay, I know you didn't need it spelled out in colour - but some really dim people read this blog; I can tell by the comments I have to reject.
Speaking of which - feel free to comment - pro or con, it doesn't matter so long as the comments aren't stupid . I am, of course, the final arbiter of what counts as stupid.
And yes, shrank is a word but by God it's an ugly one!
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