So, networking eh?

In a previous business I joined a networking organisation. Hated it. Got no business. Left after a year.

This was probably not the fault of the organisation. I suspect the kind of business I was in was not amenable to networking of their type. But I also resented what I saw as the oppressive nature of the organisation; you must turn up every week, there can only be one of each type of business in the group, you will bring referrals, etc.

Then, late 2008, when I was panicking about a very thin diary, I wandered in to a hotel-based business exhibition. This is not something I normally do since my experience has always been of a cluster of unduly small tables with desperate people clutching at me as I walk by. But, hey ho, I had nothing better to do so in I went.

One of the outfits there happened top be a networking organisation called 4Networking. They ran a 'speed networking' demo which was a bit of a laugh.

A few days later I received an invitation to a 4N networking breakfast. Hey ho, I had nothing better to do so in I went.

It was even more fun than the 'speed' demo - and I made what looked like a couple of useful contacts. (Actually neither of them turned into anything useful but 0 out of 2 is not unusual.)

The organisation also had some interesting ideas:

• a six-month trial membership
• no restrictions on numbers of similar business
• no mandatory attendance
• attend any group, anytime, anywhere in the country

So I took a six month trial .

How did it go? I've been a member for over a year now!

Check it out - it's a refreshingly different approach to networking.

(No, I'm not being paid to write this blog!)

BMI - Behold, missing information?

So I booked my bmi flight on-line. Simple, fast, efficient.

I checked in on-line. Simple, fast, efficient.

Hang on – which terminal do I fly from? Nowhere on the information I have been sent, or on the bmi web site can I find out. Eventually I locate the information I need on the Heathrow web site.

Hang on again – how long before take-off does one have to arrive at the airport in these days of advanced terrorist techniques? Nowhere on the information I have been sent, or on the bmi web site can I find out. I eventually telephone the bmi office. A very pleasant gentleman tells me I should arrive with 90 minutes to spare. When I point out that this information is not available on the web site, he assures me that it is. However, his attempt to demonstrate the existence of the information fails dismally – he leads me through a somewhat less than intuitive path throught the site until I arrive at check-in information. Sadly there is no sign of anything indicationg 90 minutes , one-and-a-half hours, 5400 seconds or any other variation that might help.

Get your act together, bmi!

Note: The gist of this blog was communicated to BMI by email on 3 January. So far no response.

Foolish Virgin

Where to begin? Let's follow the Red King's advice:

Once upon a time I 'enjoyed' a Virgin Broadband account. It was fast and generally reliable.

But one day things began to go a bit ... wrong.

The connection would fail - often only momentarily but increasingly frequently. I seemed forever to be unplugging my modem and plugging it back in to restore the connection.

Then things got really bad. Around 3.00pm on September 29th 2009, my broadband went totally A.W.O.L.

Okay, I thought. This happens, be cool. And I was cool. Until early next morning when I began to be concerned. I called the customer helpline. I heard a recorded message apologising for the problem and promising an update at 12 noon.

12.30. An apology, promising an update at 2pm.

3.00pm. Still no connection and now - no message. Scurrying through the interminable menus I am alarmed to discover (eventually) that it will be around ten minutes before I will actually be connected to a human being (if helpline personnel can be so described). I cannot wait.

Later same day. No message; many menus; still ten minutes. No! I refuse to hang on and pay to listen to ten minutes of bad music.

6.45am October 1st. Still no connection; no message; many menus and thena message. Apparently customers in the RG5 area may be having trouble. I'm in RG10 and I'm having trouble you B------s!

12.00 noon October 1st. Still no connection; no message; many menus and 'Let's get you some help' - only it will now be 20 minutes before I can speak to a human being (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt for now).

I decide to try a different strategy. I call and choose an early option from the menus. I get through to a human being! I explain. 'Right, I'll get you some support. CLICK.' AAARGH! I get a message mentioning 20 minutes to wait.

I call again and choose the early option. Different human being. I explain I don't want to be dumped in limbo to wait 20 minutes, I simply want to know how long Virgin think I will be without my broadband. The nice (female) human kicks her workstation a couple of times (I think that is the sound I hear) and says the current estimate is four hours. Hoorah! At least I have some idea now - though I am not foolish enough to believe four hours is anything but a wildly optimistic guess.

4pm (optimist!) same day. Still no connection; no message; many menus.

9.30pm same day. Still no connection; no message; many menus. Then a voice announces that people in Leeds can expect an update at 6pm. Er, excuse me but it is already 9.30pm. And anyway, why Leeds? I'm in bloody Berkshire and I want an update too!! Oh - and it will be twenty minutes before human contact.

6.15am October 2nd. The good people of Leeds are still being promised a 6.30pm update. I wonder which day this will be?

2.00pm same day. Still no connection; no message; many menus - no more promises for the residents of Leeds and still 20 minutes waiting time.

4.30pm same day. No change.

10.00pm same day. The only change is that it will now be but ten minutes waiting for a human. I won't wait! I am not a number!! (Are you old enough to remember The Prisoner?)

9.15am October 3rd. As 10.00pm bulletin yesterday but no message about waiting time. I decide to wait. After ten minutes I hang up.

4.15pm same day. Still no connection; no message; many menus and we are back to twenty minutes.

9.30am October 4th. Still no connection; no message; many menus; no waiting time quoted - I'm not going to get caught by that trick twice though!

5.30am October 5th. Many menus and then ... Omar answers me! I think Omar is a trainee. Or he has been sentenced to early mornings for being so slow. And slow he is; either he has difficulty reading or his screen scrolls incredibly slowly. But he gets me connected eventually. Now however my wireless router has disappeared from my PC. Omar thinks this was my problem all along. But the (much) earlier recorded apologetic messages tell a different story!

And talking of messages, here is one for Neil Berkett, who apparently runs Virgin Media:

What are you doing for your doubtless vast salary? Is it too much to ask for regular, sensible updates at the start of the menus when something goes wrong? Is it really that difficult to have sufficient customer service staff that your customers (the people who pay your salary) don't have to wait twenty minutes at their expense to have what is really your problem sorted out?

We all know that problems crop up from time to time. All most of us ask is that you keep us informed of what has happened and what you are doing about it. Given those simple courtesies, we will gladly wait until you can fix things. It's the lack of decent communication that drives us all insane. And sends us off into the arms of your competitors.

SPAM

Is it only me - or is everyone getting more spam these days? This blog alone has had over 800 spam comments to date. I get well over 100 a day on my desk-top.

So are there still gullible people left out there? I mean, why would anyone even glance at a message from Cyrus Wilcox when his subject line is 'from Cyrus Wilcox'?

Of course sometimes you get a laugh. Like this recent juxtaposition:

From Subject

Vicky Stout ed can be cured

Dissolve Fat I shrank myself in 30 days

Okay, I know you didn't need it spelled out in colour - but some really dim people read this blog; I can tell by the comments I have to reject.

Speaking of which - feel free to comment - pro or con, it doesn't matter so long as the comments aren't stupid . I am, of course, the final arbiter of what counts as stupid.

And yes, shrank is a word but by God it's an ugly one!

Virgin Broadband - not a mile high in my estimation

Great excitement! Virgin announces my broadband speed is to increase five-fold - at no extra cost to me!

Almost immediately my connection speed slows to a crawl and I am reduced to drumming my fingers as pages painfully creep into existence or simply time out.

To add to my frustration I receive a call from a cheerful Virgin person enquiring whether I am happy with their service. Controlling all untoward impulses I explain, through gritted teeth, that things could be better. With concern in his voice (Actor's Temple, UK training?) he promises to investigate and can he call me back on Thursday?

Needless to say he does not call me back.

Though in the spirit of fair play I have to report that my connection has now speeded up. Fivefold? Hmm, not so sure about that.