Never too old - to get fit and lose weight

As many (some/a few/none) of you know, I had to pull out of this year's Marathon des Sables because of problems with my feet. Incidentally, medical science is baffled - if you have any experience of a foot problem that shows all the symptoms of bursitis I'd be grateful to hear about it.

Since my decision (last December) I have done virtually no running (or any other exercise of note). I am now an unsightly blob weighing in at 13 stone 5:

Ugh! (The sheep is not full size!)

The good news (for me) is that I have been inspired by a 4N (http://www.4networking.biz/) colleague, Basil Mienie (http://www.focusonlife.org.uk/) to actually do something about it.

I have a target weight of 12 stones. And a target date of 26 October. And a blog to tell the world (or at least the 2 or 3 people who actually read this) and thus expose myself (see above) to ridicule if I do not make good.

And, of course, I need help. If you read this, the odd word of encouragement will not go amiss. I have begun my exercise regime and will be creating a diet plan in the next week or so. I will report regularly and truthfully on my progress and will publish pictures also.

This may bring a glimmer of hope to others who are fighting a weight/fitness battle. Or it may plunge them into despair, of course. But here is my planned gentle introductory 'back to fitness' plan:

Day 1 - cover 2-3 miles; one minute walking, one jogging, one sprinting throughout. I have to confess that my sprinting is rubbish to begin with and gets worse. But it is a start.

Day 2 - upper body workout. To begin with a few dumbell curls, push-ups, crunches and leg-raises. In a couple of weeks I will expand. But it is a start!

Continue alternate days with, maybe, Sunday off.

Next update in one week.

At last - customer service!

I went with my wife, Kate, to the traditional boat show at Henley one Sunday recently. Most enjoyable and, if you go after about 2pm, entry is half-price!

There was a stall selling, among other things, deck shoes. As I needed a pair, I browsed. And found the perfect pair at the perfect price!

However, a little demon (Kate) whispered in my ear, "Don't buy at the first place you come to." This, of course, is a female thing. I'm not sexist but they do insist on visiting every shop before returning inevitably to the first to make the purchase. This is because they could not bear to find the same thing at a lower price somwhere else. Men do not have this problem as, having found what we want, we buy and never look at that item anywhere again. Thus we remain blissfully ignorant of the fact that we might have saved a bob (10p to the youngsters) or two by spending three hours trailing from shop to shop.

So my natural inclination is to buy now. But there is the possibility that Kate will get the chance to say "I told you so." later on. So I reluctantly depart promising to return soon.

We cover the entire show, Kate buys yet another hat she will never wear, we have an ice cream and, eventually, return to the shoe stall.

THEY HAVE SOLD MY SHOES!

There is not another pair in stock. I am desolate. But the nice couple running the stall have good news; another shipment is due in next week. I order and pay. By the following Friday, my shoes have arrived. They are just as I remember (perfect) and there is a spare pair of laces in the box. Bliss!

Unfortunately the nice people who run the stall do not have a website. But I'm sure maggieandivor@hotmail.com would be delighted to receive your enquiries if you too need a new pair of deck shoes!

Postscript. Isn't it sad though, that I am getting so excited over a supplier that simply does what they say they will do?

What's in a name?

Quite a lot, according to the Department for Business Innovation and Skills.

I recently decided to launch a new service for public speakers/aspiring speakers etc. Feeling expansive, I thought I would call it the 'Institute for Public Speaking'. On trying to register the name I was told 'Institute' (even with a lower case i) was a sensitive word. I would have to get a dispensation! From where, I enquired. Check with the Department for Business Innovation and Skills, I was told.

After several unsatisfactory phone calls and an exchange of emails where each reponse came from a different person, I announced to the Department for Business Impairment and Stupidity that I was going to call it 'Institute' because they had told me nothing to suggest I couldn't. I was advised to talk to Business Link. Who advised me to talk to Companies House.

Having had no joy with the Department (or Business Link or Companies House) I went ahead and named my creation 'Institute'. See http://www.ifps.org.uk/.

However, there were dark mutterings and a sense of unease, so the fragrant Teresa May (who, in addition to being my MP - her most important function - is Home Secretary and Minister for Women & Equality) was approached for help. Next thing I know, a 76-page document arrives from the aforementioned DBIS explaining why I can't be an 'Institute'. And can't be a lot of other things, including 'Archwilydd Cyffredinol Cymru'. No offence to the Welsh but why would you want to?

Why they could not have sent this informative document in the first place .....

UnaCustomHoused as I am

I haven't been grumpy for a while. But then ...

I was hired to be a faux John Humphries for a few days at Excel. The client booked me in to the interesting sounding Customs House Hotel; so close you could spit across the gap which was promising.

However ...

My 'double' room was really way too small for twin beds. There was nowhere to put my case (except on the other bed). The 'wardrobe' was a tiny, half-enclosed hanging space in the corner. The shower was a joke; a circular tube with barely room to stick my elbows out as I soaped my beautifully toned body.

No coat hook on the back of the door (okay, I'm being picky - there was one on the inside of the bathroom door).

I discovered I had foolishly arrived with no toothpaste. so I went down to reception where I was sold a little box containing a razor, shaving cream, cotton buds, make-up wipes, a toothbrush and the tiniest tube of toothpaste you ever saw. This cost me £2.50. On my way through the hotel next morning, I spotted the vending machine offering full-size, grown up toothpaste for £2!!

Breakfast. The grilled tomatoes were burnt! Literally; blackened skin peeling off. The scrambled egg (only choice) was like polystyrene. There was no black pudding!!

Last straw. They deducted a random £330 from my credit card! I did get a refund, but no explanation of course.

I filled in the feedback form. No reaction so far (two weeks and counting).

The one bright moment. Having arrived with no toothpaste, I left without two of my suits. The housekeeping staff were very efficient and had them back to me within a couple of days. Smiley face for them; grumpy one for the hotel.

So, networking eh?

In a previous business I joined a networking organisation. Hated it. Got no business. Left after a year.

This was probably not the fault of the organisation. I suspect the kind of business I was in was not amenable to networking of their type. But I also resented what I saw as the oppressive nature of the organisation; you must turn up every week, there can only be one of each type of business in the group, you will bring referrals, etc.

Then, late 2008, when I was panicking about a very thin diary, I wandered in to a hotel-based business exhibition. This is not something I normally do since my experience has always been of a cluster of unduly small tables with desperate people clutching at me as I walk by. But, hey ho, I had nothing better to do so in I went.

One of the outfits there happened top be a networking organisation called 4Networking. They ran a 'speed networking' demo which was a bit of a laugh.

A few days later I received an invitation to a 4N networking breakfast. Hey ho, I had nothing better to do so in I went.

It was even more fun than the 'speed' demo - and I made what looked like a couple of useful contacts. (Actually neither of them turned into anything useful but 0 out of 2 is not unusual.)

The organisation also had some interesting ideas:

• a six-month trial membership
• no restrictions on numbers of similar business
• no mandatory attendance
• attend any group, anytime, anywhere in the country

So I took a six month trial .

How did it go? I've been a member for over a year now!

Check it out - it's a refreshingly different approach to networking.

(No, I'm not being paid to write this blog!)

BMI - Behold, missing information?

So I booked my bmi flight on-line. Simple, fast, efficient.

I checked in on-line. Simple, fast, efficient.

Hang on – which terminal do I fly from? Nowhere on the information I have been sent, or on the bmi web site can I find out. Eventually I locate the information I need on the Heathrow web site.

Hang on again – how long before take-off does one have to arrive at the airport in these days of advanced terrorist techniques? Nowhere on the information I have been sent, or on the bmi web site can I find out. I eventually telephone the bmi office. A very pleasant gentleman tells me I should arrive with 90 minutes to spare. When I point out that this information is not available on the web site, he assures me that it is. However, his attempt to demonstrate the existence of the information fails dismally – he leads me through a somewhat less than intuitive path throught the site until I arrive at check-in information. Sadly there is no sign of anything indicationg 90 minutes , one-and-a-half hours, 5400 seconds or any other variation that might help.

Get your act together, bmi!

Note: The gist of this blog was communicated to BMI by email on 3 January. So far no response.

Foolish Virgin

Where to begin? Let's follow the Red King's advice:

Once upon a time I 'enjoyed' a Virgin Broadband account. It was fast and generally reliable.

But one day things began to go a bit ... wrong.

The connection would fail - often only momentarily but increasingly frequently. I seemed forever to be unplugging my modem and plugging it back in to restore the connection.

Then things got really bad. Around 3.00pm on September 29th 2009, my broadband went totally A.W.O.L.

Okay, I thought. This happens, be cool. And I was cool. Until early next morning when I began to be concerned. I called the customer helpline. I heard a recorded message apologising for the problem and promising an update at 12 noon.

12.30. An apology, promising an update at 2pm.

3.00pm. Still no connection and now - no message. Scurrying through the interminable menus I am alarmed to discover (eventually) that it will be around ten minutes before I will actually be connected to a human being (if helpline personnel can be so described). I cannot wait.

Later same day. No message; many menus; still ten minutes. No! I refuse to hang on and pay to listen to ten minutes of bad music.

6.45am October 1st. Still no connection; no message; many menus and thena message. Apparently customers in the RG5 area may be having trouble. I'm in RG10 and I'm having trouble you B------s!

12.00 noon October 1st. Still no connection; no message; many menus and 'Let's get you some help' - only it will now be 20 minutes before I can speak to a human being (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt for now).

I decide to try a different strategy. I call and choose an early option from the menus. I get through to a human being! I explain. 'Right, I'll get you some support. CLICK.' AAARGH! I get a message mentioning 20 minutes to wait.

I call again and choose the early option. Different human being. I explain I don't want to be dumped in limbo to wait 20 minutes, I simply want to know how long Virgin think I will be without my broadband. The nice (female) human kicks her workstation a couple of times (I think that is the sound I hear) and says the current estimate is four hours. Hoorah! At least I have some idea now - though I am not foolish enough to believe four hours is anything but a wildly optimistic guess.

4pm (optimist!) same day. Still no connection; no message; many menus.

9.30pm same day. Still no connection; no message; many menus. Then a voice announces that people in Leeds can expect an update at 6pm. Er, excuse me but it is already 9.30pm. And anyway, why Leeds? I'm in bloody Berkshire and I want an update too!! Oh - and it will be twenty minutes before human contact.

6.15am October 2nd. The good people of Leeds are still being promised a 6.30pm update. I wonder which day this will be?

2.00pm same day. Still no connection; no message; many menus - no more promises for the residents of Leeds and still 20 minutes waiting time.

4.30pm same day. No change.

10.00pm same day. The only change is that it will now be but ten minutes waiting for a human. I won't wait! I am not a number!! (Are you old enough to remember The Prisoner?)

9.15am October 3rd. As 10.00pm bulletin yesterday but no message about waiting time. I decide to wait. After ten minutes I hang up.

4.15pm same day. Still no connection; no message; many menus and we are back to twenty minutes.

9.30am October 4th. Still no connection; no message; many menus; no waiting time quoted - I'm not going to get caught by that trick twice though!

5.30am October 5th. Many menus and then ... Omar answers me! I think Omar is a trainee. Or he has been sentenced to early mornings for being so slow. And slow he is; either he has difficulty reading or his screen scrolls incredibly slowly. But he gets me connected eventually. Now however my wireless router has disappeared from my PC. Omar thinks this was my problem all along. But the (much) earlier recorded apologetic messages tell a different story!

And talking of messages, here is one for Neil Berkett, who apparently runs Virgin Media:

What are you doing for your doubtless vast salary? Is it too much to ask for regular, sensible updates at the start of the menus when something goes wrong? Is it really that difficult to have sufficient customer service staff that your customers (the people who pay your salary) don't have to wait twenty minutes at their expense to have what is really your problem sorted out?

We all know that problems crop up from time to time. All most of us ask is that you keep us informed of what has happened and what you are doing about it. Given those simple courtesies, we will gladly wait until you can fix things. It's the lack of decent communication that drives us all insane. And sends us off into the arms of your competitors.